Shut that Mouth, Young Man!

Why We Need a Table Manners Class

Yesterday, I was eating lunch with a friend when a blob of food plopped from his mouth unto my sandwich. I was grossed out. Needless to say, I didn’t continue on enjoying my sandwich. He didn’t even notice. Actually, he just kept on talking, not even noticing how much food was flying out of his mouth. Finally noticing my discomfort, he asked, “Anything wrong?” To be polite, I didn’t say the truth, but I regret than now. As I recall, I squirmed in my seat and I wondered, “Were all teens like this?”

Turns out, most of them are! A survey I conducted of Barlow students, a stunning 75% of kids admit to chewing with their mouths open! Roughly 25% of that open-mouth-chewing populace said that they even talk and eat at the same time at fancy restaurants. This gross habit affects approximately three quarters of the population! And the remaining quarter have to deal with it! The remaining quarter have to deal with blobs of food spraying upon their meals, starving themselves in order to maintain some element of sanitation.

Last Thursday I toured the cafeteria of Barlow, recording each time I saw someone eating with their mouth open. I was astounded by my results. Out of 27 people I observed, 25 were eating with their mouths open. This disgusting habit was quickly turning from a relatively minor pet peeve into an epidemic.

Have you ever considered how danger this habit is? Billions and billions of bacteria fly around the air, of which millions are pathogens. Each time people open their mouths, they exposes themselves to all of those and more. Chewing makes it worse, causing a repetition of pathogens to be inhaled as one chews. That kid who’s sneezing right next to you? And that guy who just came from art class? All of these people launch pathogens into the air around you. Each time you open your mouth you absorb those bacteria through mucous membranes on the inside of your mouth. Now, imagine that multiplied by 266, the average chews during a meal of sandwich snacks (Myers). Imagine that there’s a kid next to you who has a cold. You are about twice as likely to catch a cold. Try applying that to other airborne pathogens, like swine flu, tuberculosis, and even E. coli! The membranes in your mouth instantly absorb these substances and bacteria and open mouth chewing can end up being a huge hazard to your health!

Have you ever thought about how eating with your mouth open could affect you businesswise and socially? Eating with your mouth open is a habit, and a terrible one at that. No one wants to see half digested food in someone’s mouth.  According to Peter Post, an expert on etiquette, “For whatever reason people judge people by their table manners. Eat like a slob, people will think of you as a slob.” And when you’re conducting that crucial business meeting, or just meeting with an old time friend, if you eat like a slob, you might lose a business contract or a friend. Eating with one’s mouth open isn’t harmless; it could have long lasting effects on both economic status and health.

While this might all just sound like a small pet peeve of mine, the fact is that it is an extremely widespread opinion that chewing with one’s mouth open is terrible. With a recent poll on the forumsite.com, 37 out of 40 people responded “It pisses me off”. The truth is that no one wants to see your semi-digested chunkies.

Having a table manners class would stop all of this. A table manners class could consist of simply just a well-mannered person coming in to talk about it, or even hiring a full-time nanny to do a full-time class. We might have a require after-school program, or just a test at the end of the year after supplying a little booklet on etiquette. You could even just play a video of Emily Post or Miss Manners or one of the Nannies on Nanny 911. The possibilities are endless. But as teens progress from childhood into adulthood, table manners become more and more valuable.

Do you want to disgust your peers? Do you want to be unhealthy? Do you want to lose future business prospects? All because you chew with your mouth open? Well, a table manners class would fix all of that. So, for the people around you, for your own health, and for your future business prospects, shut that mouth!

Works Cited

“Essential Manners for Men: Men’s Top Five Mistakes from Peter Post.” Emily Post.Com.2008

The Emily Post Institute. 28 Oct. 2009

< http://www.emilypost.com/newsroom/releases/news_5_tips_for_men.htm>

Myers, David. “Exploring Psychology”. New York: MacMillan, 2004.

Private Survey of Barlow students by author 24-25 Oct. 2009

Private Survey of Joel Barlow High School by author. 25 Oct. 2009

Survey of “Chew with your mouth open”. The Forum Site.Com 2008

The Forum site. 28 Oct. 2009

<http://www.theforumsite.com/forum.php?t=320872&show_results=1>